On the challenge of waiting a week for comics

As you may know, December 30 will be The Day Of No Comics in the US. Given the fact that Christmas falls in an odd position of the week, resulting in delays across the board for UPS (from whom most dealers get their books), Diamond Comics Distributors has decided that it will make for less headaches all around to ship NO books that week.

That's got the potential to be bad news for stores. It means that there's no new items that week to spend Christmas money on, and most people will just go find something ELSE to spend it on, rather than wait a week. To be fair, a lot of people are away, not at work (where they usually get their books at lunch or after work) so the shops may be slow already, and a week without books might be a chance to take a vacation.

But enough stores have groused, and enough publishers have seen opportunities to make a bigger noise in a quieter week, that alternatives have popped up. Many small publishers ave created Indy Comic Book Week - a number of books that WILL be available the week of the 30th, in the hopes that regular buyers itching to buy SOMEthing will try their books out.

Some of those books will be available from smaller distributors who aren't taking the week off. This is also a great idea, as most shops buy from Diamond and no one else. When Diamond raised its minimum order limits recently, a number of books dropped out of Previews, which meant that to a lot of stores, they vanished off the face of the Earth. An event like this can help remind stores there are other sources for those books, sources they might keep in mind moving forward.
Other books will be shipped a week early from Diamond, and be embargoed with a street date. This includes the highly anticipated Blackest Night #6. DC has decided to make the book available on the "week off" to help give readers a reason to hit their stores that week, giving the stores a chance to get some extra sales.

Now, just about every other industry has street dates. CDs, movies, books, videogames, all are shipped varying amounts ahead of time to ensure that the stores have them first thing on the date of release. This allows stores to do midnight release parties or any other events they like, as long as they don't sell the item early. The street dates are carefully enforced, both by the publishers as well as by the stores. Some stores will gleefully snitch on their competitors, while others will follow the "Well, if HE's selling it early, I have to or I'll lose sales" mindset, usually resulting in BOTH getting in trouble. Penalties for breaking street date vary, from fines, to losing the ability to get advence shipments for a period of time. And for items like this, not having the items The Very Moment it comes out means you've lost those sales. So the system works, or at least works often enough to call it a success.

According to Bleeding Cool, DC will be asking/making comic stores sign an online affadavit verifying that they agree not to sell BN#6 before its street date of 12/30. Those who break street date could lose their early-ship preveleges if they have them. Also, if Diamond receives no complaints about a store, they'll get a limited edition copy of BN#1 as a thank you/reward.

Now, a lot of stores have already said they'll sell the book(s) as soon they get them, and hang the free book. The argument is that the fans will not wait a week for the book, and will find the one guy who sells it early, and that's sales lost. There's a lot of validity to that argument. But it doesn't mean that ship dates can't work, since they work perfectly well with all the other aforementioned indudtries.

This may turn into a very useful experiment.

If we can get street dates to stick in the comics industry, it opens a great deal of doors for new distribution methods. The most obvious is the potential for books to be shipped a day early (maybe even more) for ALL dealers. Folks who get their books a day early have the luxury of putting the books out at night after close, and having them available minute one on New Comic Day. Yes, it means you have to stay after and put them out, paying more to your employees or just using up more of your time, but ask a dealer how much of a pain it is to put the out in the middle of the day, either shooing the customers out of the store or trying to keep them away from the shelves as they get filled. Just about every other store stocks the shelves when the customers aren't there - it's just more efficient.

Also, consider trade paperbacks and hardcovers. Right now, they're shipped along with the regular books. They're shipped one or two-day rate. That's expensive. If a valid street date system was in place, the heavy and expensive TPBs and HCs could go out a week ahead of time, ground rate, and get to the stores before the street date at a tidy savings. That's money right back in the store's pocket, making those books that much more profitable.

Enforcement is always an issue for things like this, but in most cases an honor system with teeth would likely work fine. If store A puts out its books early, Store B would likely be happy to file a complaint against them. In larger cities, odds are something akin to those secret shopper services could potentially be set up - a rep for Diamond would visit stores, see if the books are out early, and let them know they've broken the agreement. I know of at least one store in my area that I'd LOVE to help catch if they were doing that.

As for the punishment, there's a couple of possibilities. If a store has a complaint registered against it, they might warrant a warning, or at least a notification of the complaint. It's certainly possible rival stores might turn each other in out of malice, so it's not a perfect way of finding out. If a store is proven to be breaking street date (a rep showing up, photos, whatever) they might lose a "preferred customer" status. That status might include that prevelege of getting the books a day early, and perhaps even a better discount. Maybe only a percent or two, but that can mount up but fast. The key is to make the penalty harsh enough to make the average store think twice if the benefits are worth it.

If you write the rules for the 90 percent (to make up a number) of people who'll follow them, the 10% who don't won't make too big a dent against the 90% who are. Again, similar rules are in place for industries FAR larger than comics, and they pretty much work. It doesn't seem that big a hardship asking the comics industry to behave as well as other retail sectors do, considering the potential benefits.

Just sayin'.

On the Annotated Animated All-Stars

Children in Need is a stellar charity from Great Britain dedicated to helping disadvantaged kids in the UK. It's been going for over 20 years now, spearheaded by British chat showlegend Terry Wogan it's raised hundreds of millions of pounds, over 20 million this year alone.
Their annual appeal is the big push - the BBC hands seven hours of programming time over for a telethon, and most other shows in britain have special Children in Need episodes, so it's practically an all-day event. Performers will sing and dance, many shows will do special mini-episodes (Doctor Who did one as a teaser to the upcoming "The End Of Time" and even David Suchet put back on the waxed moustache to play Poirot (I have GOT to see that one). All told, it's a star-studded piece of work.

British stand-up star Peter Kay (best known to Americans as The Absorbaloff in the Doctor Who episode "Love and Monsters") has done a great deal to raise money for equally notable British charity Comic Relief (sporting a more globally oriented take than CiN) by producing music videos featuring dozens of comedy and film stars. This year, he set his eyes towards Helping Children in Need. Everyone expected another entertaining celebrity jam video. That's what he delivered, but he surprised everybody with WHO he jammed with.



Children In Need - Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band from factory transmedia on Vimeo.

Having made friends with a lot of animators by doing voices for kids' show Roary the Racing Car, he got a jam together featuring over 100 animated characters from over 60 years of British and American animation. It's a breathtaking piece of work that took over 8 months to produce. The majority of the shows are now controlled by HiT Entertainment, which certainly must have streamlined the negotions, but when you consider all the animators, voice talent etc who donated their time, this is no less impressive than any fundraising jam.
I spent most of the weekend researching and freeze-framing, and I present for you entertainment a second by second rundown of the characters who appear in the video. I've pretty much stuck with the first appearance of each character, with weblinks for the shows where appropriate.
There's only a couple I've missed, and I'd appreciate help in tying up the last few missing folks.
-EDIT- Well that didn't take long, got most of the holes filled in already by the commenters - ta, mateys!

With that said, the management humbly presents:
A Guide to the animated All-Stars
00;01 Big Chris (voiced by Kay) and Rusty the Caravan from
Roary the Racing Car(RRC). Chris is asking after Chippy Minton from "Camberwick Green".

00:17 Thomas the Tank Engine (TTE) heads from the isle of Sodor to the studio.

00:19 Bob the Builder (BB) and Scoop(BB) make their way to the show

00:20 Postman Pat (PP) heads from Greendale to the studio in the SDS mini-van

00:22 Fifi Forget-Me-Not from Fifi and the Flowertots (FF), riding in Mo the Lawnmower, head in

00:27 The eponymous Teletubbies meet Upsy-Daisy from In the Night Garden(ING).

00:29 Big Christine (Chris' Mum,RRC) tackles Postman Pat, while Buttercup & Daisy(FF) get an autograph from Engie Benjy (EB)

00:32 Flash (RRC), Penny from Fireman Sam (FS) and Bumble (FF) pose for a picture, but Stingo (FF) gets in the shot

00:37 The Teletubbies jam with Willy and Jenny Woodentop from Watch with Mother (WWM)

00:42 Andy Pandy (WWM) looks on as Bob the Builder and Postman Pat do a take

00:45 It's gonna get crowded from here, on - welcome to Bagpuss, Pingu, Sir Topham Hatt AKA The Fat Controller(TTE) Ted Glenn and Mrs Goggins(PP)

00:50 00:50 Ben 10 via satellite, with Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men (WWM)

00:52 Fireman Sam (FS) belts out a line or two

00:56 The cast of In the Night Garden - The Tombliboos, Upsy-Daisy, Makka Pakka and Igglepiggle

00:57 Frank and Buster, the Koala Brothers

01:01 Marsha (RRC) and Wendy (BB) do a duet With Big Chris moonwalking by, and IgglePiggle wanders into shot.

01:10 The gang from In the Night Garden are upstaged by Pingu.

01:11 Paolo and Mavis from Fluffy Gardens appear via stellite

01:12 The Teletubbies do a backup chorus (Singing, of course "Eh-ohhhhh!")

01:13 Zippy and George from Rainbow fiddle with the keyboards

01:14 Andy Pandy, Teddy and Looby Loo (WWM) are entertained by Big Chris as Sir Topham Hatt looks on and Pingu covers up in safety

01:16 Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward and FAB1 from Thunderbirds (TB) are swarmed by paparazzi but are quickly upstaged by...

01:21 Paddington Bear, axe in hand, arrives for the show

01:24 Tubb and Terence from the Rubbadubbers (RBD) watch Bill and Ben play with the drums as...

01:25 Norville "Shaggy" Rogers and Scooby Doo appear via satellite on a monitor Big Chris wheels in.

01:33 The Koala Brothers sing a few lines, as Andy Pandy tunes in Muffin the Mule (WWM) on a monitor

01:36 A quartet by Officer Steele (FS), Farmer Green (RRC), Ted Glenn(PP) and Mr. Carbuettor (RRC)

01:39 The Wombles re-unite for a good cause

01:41 Lady Penelope's driver Parker (TB) shows he can't sing

01:47 Peppa Pig appears via satellite
(Running gag explained The monitors during the video are all staticy and need adjusting. Here, Big Chris is reading the copy of the flyer about the recent digital switchover Britain did, as America recently did, converting from analog to digital TV broadcasts.)

01:50 Stretchy, Tiny and Sporty from
Little Robots (LR) appear with Sweep, Sooty and Soo from The Sooty Show (TSS)

01:55 Pudsey Bear, mascot of Children in Need gets a guitar solo

01:58 Spud the Scarecrow (BB) plays the maracas

02:13 Roary (RRC) and Thomas (TTE) duet as Bob's cat Pilchard (BB) is chased by Jollop the Dog (EB)

02:20 Roary and Thomas again, as Pilchard, Jollop and Jess(PP) race by

02:24 Tubb, Terence and Finbar (RBD)

02:27 Ajay and Nisha Bains from Postman Pat fittingly lead the ladies (Marsha, Fifi and Primrose, Big Christine and Wendy) in a performance of "Jai Ho" as the gents (Elvis Cridlington, Postman Pat, Officer Steele, Fireman Sam, Big Chris, Bob, Mr. Carbuettor) look on.

02:57 Ajay joins the gents, along with Virgil Tracy, Parker and Brains (TB) in a chorus of Tubthumping As they all jump, the members of International Rescue all follow the song, "get knocked down and get up again"

03:25 Roobarb and Custard appear via satellite with Tiny's help

03:35 Pingu makes his way down the beach for the finale

03:44 All appear again, with new arrivals Splashy (RBD) and a couple folks from Camberwick Green.

03:54 The Night Garden gang fly overhead in the Pinky Ponk

04:00 Angelina Ballerina appears on Big Chris' cell phone screen

04:08 Spongebob Squarepants appears on Big Chris' cell phone screen

04:18 Slugsy (FF) appears behind Stingo

04:33 The first shall be last - Chippy Minton arrives just in time for the end of the song.
The video is available for purchase (profits to CiN) via several online websites, tho alas the Itunes link (which features a six-minute version of the clip) is not available in the US. Visit the Children in Need website for more information on donating, as well as more info on the work they've done to help the children of the UK.
Personally, I think it's a shame that nothing has been done in similar fashion and scope here in the US. We had Bob "Thank God I knew Andy Kaufman" Zmuda's American version of Comic Relief which fizzled years ago, but really the only remnant we have of this type of thing is the legendary Jerry Lewis MDA telethon. And I fear that when Jerry passes on, we won't even have that.
EDIT - Two more great reference works have popped up - The Sun has a guide to the Sgt. Pepper-like album cover, and Wikipedia has a list of all the characters who appear in the medley.

On the increaing potential of contracting H1N1 in comparison to increasing chances of hitting the Powerball

*sigh*

OK, listen...

Unless you're in one of the high-contact groups like health care workers, the odds of getting H1N1 are just not that high. And if you DO get it, again, unless you're in a high-risk group like the very young, the very old, or the very frail, the odds of it turning into anything other a really bad case of the flu are equally small.

There's been under 5 thousand deaths from the H1N1 in America. FIVE. THOUSAND. It's five thousand too many, but compared to, say, the REGULAR Flu, it's a crepitation in a cyclone. I can't even do the math on how small a percentage of the US population that is because my calculator doesn't have that many decimal places.

So why are we all terrified to the point that we're expecting Randall Flagg to show up any minute?

Because it's been driven into us every day by the news, to the point that we're convinced that a dose of the Swine Flu comes with every purchase greater than ten dollars at the mall. The news chronicles almost Every Single CASE of the thing that gets contracted. It couldn't possibly be doing that if there were an appreciably large number of them. So naturally, if all one hears is that Yet Another Person has got it, it sounds like far greater a pattern (and problem) than it is.

Nothing is an issue, problem or occurrance anymore – it all jumps straight to CRISIS. People become convinced that every single threat seen on television will affect them...usually because the tease before the commercial usually sounds like "The new threat, and how it could affect you". The goal is not to inform, the goal is to keep you watching, preferably through the commercials.

Plus, people fall back on the old chestnut "Well, it doesn't hurt to play it safe". Well yes, it can hurt if the amount of preparatives outweighs the good they serve. It's the same reason we need four forms of ID to withdraw our own money from the bank (since apparently every fifth person born is an identity thief), we can't bring a half-pint bottle of water onto a plane, or take photos of our own kids at a local park.

Think about it, how many times did you turn into a candy bar, regardless of the number of times your mother warned you what would happen if you kept eating them?

On a return to the Home of Happiness and an attack on the cult of personality

My opinion of reality TV is at best, tepid. I've gone on about it before, and often marveled at the fact that we've lowered the bar for what defines "fame". For too many people are "famous for being famous", having done nothing to achieve fame but simply being on TV, something that used to require BEING famous before they let you do.

Reality TV has been skewered many times in film. The Truman Show seemed outrageous in its predictions, for about six months. A sadly little-seen film called Series 7: The Contenders played with the idea of what will be required to entertain the populace next, something played with years before by The Running Man. One of the earliest assaults in the yet-to-be genre was Albert Brooks' eerily prescient Real Life. But none had as much fun with the idea of how completely reality and television would merge that Richard O'Brien's followup to Rocky Horror, Shock Treatment.

Ernie Kovacs said it over 50 years ago; the major strategy of Hollywood is "Beat it to death if it succeeds". The Rocky Horror Picture Show was a massive cult hit, albeit years after its initial release. So 20th Century Fox decided to do what comes naturally; a sequel.

Only a handful of actors returned for the second film, and that handful did not include the three leads; Curry, Bostwick and Sarandon. Charles Gray (also seen as Blofeld in Diamonds are Forever) returned in what is debatedly the same role, now named Judge Oliver Wright. The only other actor to return as the same character is the barely seen Jeremy Newson as Ralph Hapschatt. "Little" Nell Campbell (Columbia) plans Nurse Ansalong, and Patricia Quinn (Meganta) plays Nation McKinley. Of all the cast, the single most important person to come back was Richard O'Brien as Cosmo McKinley. Amazingly, Fox actually realized that O'Brien's script and songs were the core of the first film, and gave him the chance to catch lightning in a bottle again. Rather than go for a true sequel to Rocky, with the return of the Transylvanians and all, Richard explored new ground, and wrote something that really was what the PR flacks at Fox claimed; not a sequel or prequel, but an equal to Rocky.

The film takes us back to Denton, A Period Of Time after the events of The Denton Affair, and in the interim, the Home of Happiness has gone through more than a few changes. Denton is now the home of DTV, a national television network helmed by the mysterious and reclusive fast food magnate Farley Flavors (Cliff DeYoung in a dual role). The film starts with the population of Denton entering the cavernous studio and taking their seats, which they do not leave for the remainder of the film, even sleeping there overnight as the station is off the air (Yes, years ago, before infomercials, stations actually went off the air when they assumed all sane people were sleeping.)

The film takes place entirely inside the DTV broadcast complex. Time passes as shows air, and the setting changes from before the cameras to backstage, to an assortment of meeting rooms. The events transpire over only two days. The frenetic and compressed timeline magnifies the craziness of the events. Television shows are referred to almost as if they are physical places and actual objects. Much like the comedy of The Firesign Theatre, the lines between reality and the fiction of the shows merge. Game show winners don't win vacations in sunny climes, they win "trips" to appear in television shows. The shows are examples of reality television before they had a name.

Brad and Janet Majors (played by Cliff DeYoung (FX) and Jessica Harper (Suspiria, Phantom of the Paradise) respectively) have been having marriage trouble, and visit the broadcast in an attempt to do something together. Apparently the lessons taught by the Transylvanians were short-lived; Brad is back to being a clumsy nebbish, and Janet can't believe she's married him.

The first main song of the film (not counting the instumental credit sequence overture) is "Denton USA", and it sets the tone for the film. It's sung at the beginning of the broadcast day, in lieu of the National Anthem. It's a song that seems written by the town's Chamber of Commerce; it touts the the advantages of the town as a good old-fashioned suburban paradise ("Happy hearts and smiling faces; and tolerance for the ethnic races"), an image that is soundly trounced by the end of the film.

The rest of the main cast are introduced in rapid succession. Betty Hapschatt, nee Munroe (The world famous in England Ruby Wax) hosts the Breakfast Show, and she interviews Judge Wright (Gray) about the anthem, and morals in general. Betty's estranged husband Ralph (Newson) is anchor of the news, along with his partner and current squeeze Macy Struthers (Wendy Raebeck).

Once the Breakfast show is over, it's on to Marriage Maze, the popular gameshow where couples in trouble work out their issues on the air under the blind eye and sharp tongue of Bert Schnick (Barry Humphries, AKA Dame Edna Everidge). Brad and Janet are picked for the show, and while Janet is charming and pleasant, Brad makes a boob of himself, with Bert calling him "an emotional cripple". Just as most Americans expect their problems to be solved by picking up the latest new appliance or toy, the couple sing the song "Bitchin' in the Kitchen", where they literally ask a steady stream of lovely parting gifts how to solve their emotional issues.

From his control room high above the studio, the enigmatic Farley Flavors is smitten by Janet. Bert recommends Brad visit the popular hospital series "Dentonvale". While Brad and Janet are wheeled off to Dentonvale, Janet's parents appear on Marriage Maze to discuss their son-in-Law.

Things start to happen fast from here on. Brad is heavily sedated and Janet is introduced (via a TV monitor) to Farley Flavors. Janet is quickly groomed to be a TV superstar. The DTV audience takes to her, just as they are told. By the end of the film Janet awakens from her fame and drug-addled haze, Brad reveals Flavors to be his long-lost twin brother, and in short...the bad guys win. The population/audience are commited to Dentonvale, and Brad, Janet, Betty and Judge Wright escape with the clothes in their back in a stolen late-model car.

Just about everything about this film is bigger and (arguably) better in this film. The sets are brighter, the cast is larger, and the songs are more creative and complex. "Little Black Dress" is an unabashed paen to cross-dressing (ironically co-sung by famous drag performer Humphries), "Lullaby" is the most erotic night-night song you'll ever hear, with delightful lines like "with your everything akimbo, slip into the Sandman's Limbo". The titular song is a powerful number that'll have you spinning in your chair. The performances are by far superior to those of Rocky as well. Jessica Harper has a lush throaty voice that I must admit I adore, both here and in her ealier role in Phantom of the Paradise. Cliff De Young, Nell Campbell and even O'Brien really sing in this film - much of the performances in Rocky were closer to screaming in key.

The sound design is brilliant. There's almost always a second soundtrack running, whether it's coming from a TV that's on in the background, or from the stage as people talk amongst each other in the audience or off camera. They often work together perfectly, two halves of a single joke.

There's a lot of very literary jokes in the script. Judge Wright mentions the beginnings of a conspiracy: "Remember Lt. Orpheus? He diappeared into that 'Underworld' show and NEVER came back!" Later in the film, Betty Hapschatt starts to read "Rime of the Ancient Mariner", and at the end a security guard comes up with a dead albatross, asking, "Does this bird belong to you?"

This was the first time they tried to make a film specifically for the new "Midnight Circuit". Unlike Rocky Horror, Shock Treatment premiered at the midnight theaters. The film tries to purposely place spots for the audience to yell comments. When Janet is asked if she's watched Dentonvale, she hesitates and says "Yes, I've caught it a couple of times"...it's plainly obvious you're supposed to yell something to the effect of "Have you ever had VD?".

Rocky fans felt like the film was crammed down their throats, and resistance was widespread. The film never really got a fair shake as a result. But looking back, Richard O'Brien created a satiric film that has only shown itself to be more and more prescient. It's a brtilliant and savage satire about American television culture, the fleeting nature of fame and the ease that TV watchers can be educated and led.

For those who hated, or simply didn't "get" Rocky Horror, it does not mean you'll hate Shock Treatment. Shock was forced upon the audience, as opposed to Rocky, which was found. Also, its themes of TV taking over reality may simply have been too ahead of its time, as opposed to the bohemian "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure" themes

On a weird way to pay tribute to the Firesign Theatre

Ever since Alan Moore "revealed" (by which I mean "Made up") that Swamp Thing was not Alec Holland at all, a popular method of reinvigorating a character has been the Everything You Know Is Wrong play. As opposed to the standard reboot where everything is rewritten from day one or simply started over, this maintains that all of the past adventures of the character had happened, but a basic fact or series of facts about the character was not known or misunderstood, one that puts the adventures in a different light.

In the case of Swamp Thing, the results can be spectacular. In other cases, downright embarassing, like when marvel tried to tell us that the Peter Parker we'd been reading about for over a decade was in fact a clone, and the REAL Peter Parker had just returned. Most of the time, as things do, they tend towards the mean, with some people liking the new version and some preferring the original. Rarely do these changes last long-term, as another person will have a new idea a few years later, or someone will decide that the original idea was the stronger one after all, and you end up with alternate characters littering the literary landscape like spent shell casings in the battle against cancellation.

Geoff Johns has been using an array of tricks in his quest to sort out many of the heroes of the DC Universe, including Hawkman, Superman and many of his villains. The most famous character, indeed his magnum opus, is Green Lantern Hal Jordan, who had to be pulled back from a chasm of poor choices that included him going mad, killing off any of his fellow Lanterns and generally renting the entire GL Corps asunder, and then die, solely for the purpose of introducing a new Green Lantern that DC hoped The Kids Would Dig. Well, suffice to say it was a long 15-odd years as DC tried to get readers to love the new boy. Over time they would slowly bring back the GL Corps, more and more of the trapping s that they had initially decided would not be needed, only to have the fans (in both their protest and their silence) tell them that yes they did want them thank you very much.

So Johns used a number of tricks to help Hal recover from this seeming insurmountable blockade. He introduced the idea that Hal was not acting under his own accord, but was under the control of a sentient embodiment of the universe's collective fear, an emotional elemental if you will. He brought back Sinestro, Hal's greatest enemy, he finished the job started in Final Night and Spectre, and brought back Hal Jordan to the land of the living, hale and hearty and a hero again. He then revealed that the characters killed in hi bad period were in fact "only mostly dead", and they were found alive as well, wiping that crime off the record. To say that fandom has welcomed these changes happily is an understatement.

Over the last four years, Johns has been building towards this year's big DC event, Blackest Night, running now in DC books everywhere. He's created seven more corps, six controlled by a color in what he calls the "emotional spectrum" and one created by Death itself. They're now in war against each other, and will eventually (we assume) team up against the Black Lanterns. One of the concepts he introduced in that first Green Lantern Rebirth story is that each of these emotion powers have a living avatar, a "color-mental" if you will. In Yellow's (fear) case, it's Parallax, the being that made Hal do all that nasty (it was of course really a man named Kevin Dooley, but I, as the saying goes, digress). The green avatar is Ion, a concept created dring the Kyle Rayner years. Other avatars have been vaguely mentioned, and same have not yet been revealed. The avatars work best when they are hosted by a living being, as Hal did to Parallax.

In issue three of the Blackest Night mini, it's suggested that the Golden Age character The Spectre is not, in fact, an emissary of God's wrath as he has been described for all these decades, but may be the Red (rage) avatar. I will say that if I'm reading and interpreting that right, I don't care for the idea of retconning the origin of the Spectre. Reducing him from an emissary of the The Presence to an avatar beast of rage is a hell of a drop. It also flies in the face of FAR too many stories where Spectre has directly spoken to or received orders from The Presence.

Also, considering how much work Greg Rucka has done with the character of late, I wonder how he feels about being told that Everything We Know Is Wrong about a character he had just done such a good job of updating. Not to mention the aforementioned exemplary series by J. M. Dematteis where a certain Hal Jordan was the host of the Spectre, in an attempt to atone for the actions of Emerald Twilight. He was able to change the Spectre's mission from vengance to redemption. If all he was doing is channeling an avatar of Rage, how does that help redeem oneself, or anyone?

Now in almost all of these massive retcon moves, there will be stories that patently Do Not Make Sense anymore with the new rules in play. If Blue Beetle's Scarab is in fact NOT a magical artifact but a millenia-old piece of alien technology, then why did the wizard Shazam want to keep it on the Rock of Eternity where many other magical items are kept, for example. And in most cases, depending on how successful the new story is, you have to just accept that those stories don't count anymore, or that they just happened in a slightly dfferent way. The better the story works for you, the less important those discrepancies become. But if you're dead-set against the change, the slightest quibble become hide-bound evidence that said story CAN'T be right, and MUST fall.

If you're going to make changes to the Green Lantern Mythos, it's only fair to assume that any GL character might mold to fit the new shape of things. But pulling in the Spectre seems a bit offsides. He's been around LONGER than Green Lantern (he prevmiered some months before the Golden age GL) and has never been portrayed as anything other than as an emissary of God (under assorted names and euphemisms). Choosing to take a character with that much history who no one has asked for a change to strikes me as over-reaching a bit. It doesn't ALL need fixing.

The same holds true for the Phantom Stranger - that unsettling "He will face the truth about his existence" line worries me that he too will fall under the pen of Johns. One of the lasting allures of the Phantom Stranger is his undefined quantity. Is he the Wandering Jew? Is he some Silver Surfer-like gentleman, trading his life to serve Himself in trade for saving a life? Is he Longinus the Roman guard? The fun is not to know. Like the Joker and the Grinch, any attempt to define the character limits them, makes them less than their potential. So to suggest that Stranger himself is not fully aware of his origins is, IMHO, a reduction of the character.

These are two characters who have been around as long as or longer than Green Lantern, whose stories are almost wholly unconnected to the GL mythos, and changing them to serve the narrative seems akin to breaking up nice furniture to feed the fireplace. Wasteful.

Now it's very possible that I'm mis-reading this. I hope I am. Because if I'm not it could mean reducing one (possibly two) characters from having Godly connections to something much less in comparison. I'm not going to rail and whine about it...much...just make clear that I don't think either character needs much tweaking, and certainly not just to flesh out an event, good though the event is.

The Blackest Night series has been magnificent so far. There's every chance that at its end we'll see the return of several DC heroes who fans felt passed well before their time. For some, maybe even many characters to get returned at the expense of two more might be a price I'd choke on.

On a series of scientific limericks created to win a prize

They Might Be Giants, Brooklyn's Ambassadors of Love, have just released a new album, Here Comes Science , another of their albums aimed at kids. As a publicity stunt, they're running a little contest at their Facebook page, asking people to create scientific-themed limericks to win one of five free copies of said album.

In a couple flurries of creativity, I've done just under a couple dozen so far. I've included them below. I'll tack any more I come up with before the contest ends.

I'd tell you to visit their page and submit your own...but I wanna win.

Two physicists gaily were chattin'
of a project they knew as Manhattan
hoping for some good luck-a
they'd trot off to Yucca
and clock how many acres they'd flatten

To get taste like the manna from Heaven
make some some gas to allow bread to leaven
baking soda or yeast
CO2 is released
one loaf serves between ten and eleven.

Caterpillars will hardly impress
till cocoons they create and ingress
while deep within those
they metamorphose
and come out looking nattily dressed

An object that no one could shift
met a force irresistably swift
about the result
scientists would consult
for philosophers 'twas quite a gift

To reactions we add catalyst
like to millstones we pour in the grist
we can watch in the cup
the components used up
but the catalyst won't - that's the twist

To carbon add pressure and heat
for reaction exciting and neat
A structure at end
a woman's best friend
an engagement gift nothing can beat

A scientist was fervently wishin'
he could start up some nuclear fission
In his haste he had found
he'd forgotten to round
and wound up with unstable emission

Oxygen makes up pairs with great glee
With more energy, then into three
If not for the ban
of the aerosol can
There'd be far too much sun we would see

Werner's uncertainty principle
can cause outcomes to be quizzical
for as we observe
the results often swerve
so it doesn't come out like we wanted it to

Tycho Brahe, at least so goes the tale
in debates made opponents all quail
At the moment he chose
he'd remove his gold nose
and watch all trains of thought just derail

An astronomer named Galileo
Used a tube to see things far away-o
finding many weird things
like Saturn's great rings
Finding more during night than in day-o

The method we call scientific
is a process exact and specific
watch, deduce, and then move
to attempt to disprove
if you can't, then you publish - terrific!

Archimedes was taking a bath
stumbling onto a standard of math
As the water displaced,
a solution he faced
down the street he then cut quite a swath

DaVinci presented a gift
of a process we now know as lift
with some wood and some string
in the shape of a wing
letting people among the clouds drift

Indigo's such a weak link
in the spectrum of color, I think
To make it reach seven
to connect it to heaven
Newton added it - why not use pink?

physicists love to discuss
the composure of the nucleus
with trons neu and pro
as they come and they go
elements are created as thus

Through complex gravitic attraction
planets fall into orbital action
as they ride an ellipse
sometimes suns they'll eclipse
no collisions or dssatisfactions

Two scientists, Watson and Crick
found a strructure impressive and slick
Knit together like sweaters
using only four letters
the description plan nature did pick

A wee little thing like a virus
can easily sicken, perspire us
without tincture or balm
our system to calm
the bugs can oft quickly retire us

A gal with obsessions to quench
using very small hammer and wrench
with wire and wood nano
made a micro-piano
but she's going blind making the bench

Each day Edison would instill it
into his inventors he'd drill it
As they toiled and persipre-a
in the spinning Maria
He'd say "find a need and then fill it!'

DC current, known as "westinghousing"
was the one Edison was espousing
but Tesla's alternating
left nobody waiting
Sent Tom back to the drawing board browsing

On The Kid in One Million Words or Less

The Kid started school again this week, in seventh grade. I could swear she was in no later than third back in June.

One of the things that came home with her on her first day was a little survey they wanted us to fill out about her, to give the teachers an idea of what she's like, her cheers and jeers, etc. After a bunch of multiple choice questions (which I believe we got right) there was an essay portion which asked "In a million words or less, tell us why your kid is so fabulous!"

Now we'd already had a meeting with the teachers, as we do every year so they can get an idea of what to expect from her (with her Asperger's and all) and what they can expect from us (making sure they realize we're not the kind of parents who demand the world change its shape to fit The Kid). It went well, and they found out quick that we're a fairly wacky clan.

I figured it'd be nice to drive that home a bit with the requested essy. Here's what I came up with...

(The Kid) has Asperger’s Syndrome, which causes her to behave in a more introverted way, not as in shy, but as in if she’s alone in an elevator, and will, if not reminded, do the kind of things people do if all alone -- talk to herself, dance about entertaining herself, etc. She also has ADHD, which means she does these things at great speed. She’s very high-functioning, can be quite gregarious and charming, but will close off quickly when her bank of conversation questions is depleted.

She’s allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame, but luckily she’s also a picky eater, so she always asks what things contain, and then doesn’t eat it anyway because it’s not pizza or a hot dog. We try to encourage her to try new foods, but we don’t make a big thing of it because that way lies eating disorders, and nobody really wants to go on Dr. Phil.

Her avowed one true love is Sonic the Hedgehog, who she plans to marry as soon as she reaches legal age. As long as he can provide for her in the style to which we’d like her to become accustomed, and the kids are raised Catholic, we’ve chosen not to keep them apart.

Her musical tastes tend more to trance, including the work of Cascada and Paul van Dyk, with a good bit of Webb Wilder and the theme songs from the Japanese Sentai shows, the ones they use to make Power Rangers. We’re all cartoon fans in our house, so her TV watching tends more towards animated fare from various decades.

She can and does sit through entire films and TV shows, but left to her own devices (said devices being the remote) will tend to pop about to her favorite scenes, re-running them endlessly, wearing a hole in the DVD and then who’s going to buy a new copy I ask you not me missy.

She has made the jump in recent months from random non-sequiturs spouted at inopportune moments to the correctly chosen cultural reference. She’s slowly finding the way to make her crazy affectations work to her benefit, and we enjoy watching it happen.

She is well aware of what rules are and that they apply to her, but sees no need not to try to get around them when not under scrutiny. She comes from this honestly, being her father’s child. She’s not made of sugar, and can withstand discipline, tho we are letting the spots at the back of her knees heal a bit, because those scars can be hell to clean.

It was well received.